This stage of motherhood has kicked me in the butt. Often days I'm day dreaming about the future, gleaming over self-induced bedtime, the kids being able to actually bath themselves, getting packed into the car in less than 30 minutes, not having to get up from the dinner table for the 7th time because someone decided they actually did want a spoon instead of a fork; you know the little things that come with raising a young family (insert the rolling eye emoji here).
Last weekend we celebrated Eliza Joy turning ONE! As one of my girlfriends would say..."one full circle around the sun, 365 days spent loving you..." HOW IN THE WORLD has this year flown by so fast?! I am still in shock that I have a 4 year old, 2 year old, and ONE year old! Like what in the heck!?
You see...I've always prided myself in being extremely "coachable," I've learned throughout my life how to take criticism and how to use it to propel me forward. But when it comes to self-criticism, I've had a hard time not propelling myself right off the deep end.
I'm not sure if it's the "english"in me or if my family has a serious caffeine addiction (probably the latter) but ever since I can remember, tea has been a way to celebrate the afternoon, warm the soul and bring contentment to those long days.
I've teamed up with mama/photographer, Cristi Balke and Suz, shop owner/designer of Sew Sweet Clothing over on my Instagram to give one lucky winner this beautiful handmade tropical floral t-shirt dress.
Guy and I have been asked a lot throughout the last few years from many of you about how we met, so in honor of this Valentines Day we decided to share our story vlog style. I love this video for so many reasons but mainly because it so perfectly conveys "us" and who we are as a couple. We bicker, laugh, make fun of each other, disagree, and love each other so much.
For the last couple of months I have been dealing with my this restlessness way down deep inside of me; over and over again I question who I am as a wife, who I am as a mom, and who I am as a person, and to no avail, I continue to draw a blank. I question my purpose and the legacy I'm leaving. I question my chaos and the passions that I so longingly seek. I question if what I'm doing is enough and if there's more I could be choosing to do. I question why I can't just be content to be a mom, why do I always feel like I have to be doing something?
A couple weeks ago, I sort of had a break down...like a minor explosion went off inside me and...let's just say that the remnants weren't exactly rainbows and butterflies. In actuality, I stormed out of my house, got in my car, and drove away. Yes, don't worry, my husband was at home with the kids but I forgot my phone, wallet, everything. And when I got in the car, seeing nothing but red as I drove out of our neighborhood, I thought to myself...Tessa, what in the HECK do you think you're doing?
I'm going to first start off by saying that I am FAR from a chill mom. I'm sure my oldest sister is reading this saying, "she thinks SHE'S a chill mom!?" Because the truth is, I'm still working on that. AND it obviously takes more than 4 WAYS to become a chill mom but these are by far some of the ways I've accomplished becoming somewhat "chill."
When you become a mom, there are so many things that you think you “need” to have in order to solidify your chances as a mother; the right diaper bag, stroller, baby carrier, crib, swing, bouncer, rocker, whatever! And after the fact you often find that all those “things” didn’t really matter, they’re in them for so little of a time and so much unnecessary money is spent in the process.
Hold the phone. Stop the elevator. What did she just say? I can't believe she just said, "she doesn't like playing with her children!" How dare her! She is so unmotherly; totally unfit to run her household.
If you've been keeping up with our little blog, you may have remembered a fun video that we made a while back for this family known as "The Bucket List Family." When we began our "vlogging" journey a couple months back we discovered this family of 4 (Garrett, Jessica, Dorothy(3), Manilla (2)) that sold everything they had to travel around the world. Each Sunday they post a new YouTube video updating family and friends about where they are and what new adventures they've been on that week.
To be honest with you guys, it's been a while since I have had the courage to sit down a write just to write; there's no real explanation really. I often blame it on the season I'm in or because I don't feel like I have much to say. But in reality, I have plenty to say; it's just every time I sit down to say it, I'm bombarded with my many insecurities.