A couple weeks ago, I sort of had a break down...like a minor explosion went off inside me and...let's just say that the remnants weren't exactly rainbows and butterflies. In actuality, I stormed out of my house, got in my car, and drove away. Yes, don't worry, my husband was at home with the kids but I forgot my phone, wallet, everything. And when I got in the car, seeing nothing but red as I drove out of our neighborhood, I thought to myself...Tessa, what in the HECK do you think you're doing?
The minute I walked out the door, I could justify everything I was doing but the minute I got in my car, I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing. There was just something so deep, and so unrecognizable bubbling up inside of me that I needed to address it. And in that moment it took driving down an unmarked road, getting lost in the country, and screaming at God to figure that out.
You see, I have been stretching myself so thin at times in this season of my life that I often forget about the things that are most important; like my relationship with my husband, and my intimacy with the Lord. For me...those always need to stay at the top of my priority list. And for many months, they just weren't. I've been actively pursuing my calling, and I've been going at it full force and seeing little breakthrough in my efforts. It's like, I've pressing in and bearing no fruit.
So I got mad. I got really angry at the Lord and I yelled at Him. Ya...that's right, I yelled at God. "What do you want me to do? You've called me to walk this life as mother, yet share my journey along the way...so how do you expect me to thrive and prosper in both when I can't seem to do either great?"
I feel like, in one aspect...I'm over here living out my calling as a mom, yet all I can think about ishow I'm neglecting my business. And yet, when I'm pouring in to my calling as an entrepreneur, all I can think about is how guilty I feel because I'm not paying enough attention to my kids.
It's like I'm at constant war with myself and I'm constantly trying to live this life that I feel called to but equally torn between at all times.
"How can I live out both of these callings and live them out well?" I screamed! And I waited. And waited...and then I heard that still, soft voice that comes and goes. And it said..."Ask for help."
What? Seriously? Ask for help? That's what I'm supposed to do? THAT'S IT!?!?!?!
"That's IT." It whispered.
So from that moment forward I promised myself to "let go" of this idea I had of what it looked like to run a household and a successful business at the same time. Because I am only one person, and I can only do so much. And these are the things the Lord has called me to do, so I am going to recognize that I can not do it all. on. my. own.
So I hired a babysitter. Someone that can come to my house once or twice a week and love on my kids while I can't. It allows me time to do things for my business and not feel guilty while doing them. And it gives me back my evenings; that time I can now spend giving to my husband and our relationship. It has taken the pressure off my husband to watch the kids over pouring into his business and we can now press into our calling without feeling guilty or overtaken.
Another thing I did was, I planned an all girls trip to Nashville, TN with my sisters. I have three older sisters and we have never EVER done something like that. And I have never left any of my children at the age of 7 months old for two nights in a row! So to be empowered enough to do that, was freeing all the more.
Getting away from it all and enjoying time for ME was exactly what I needed. It showed me how important it is to give yourself space and remember why it is you're doing what you're doing in the first place. Here is a little glimpse into our time in Nashville.
We walked the streets of this quaint town called Leiper's Fork. I was instantly inspired and of course began dreaming about what my shop would look and feel like one day! :)
And although we love to go out and about on the town, we absolutely love spending quality time bumming it up on the couch, chatting about all things life.
All in all, don't forget to give back to yourself, and step away from "life" to do it. Sometimes all it takes is taking a little break, and you can't be sorry about it. Be empowered to be you, and the best version of that you!