Do you know what hell looks like on earth? Well let me just tell you, it looks a little something like your family getting plagued with the stomach flu, then strep throat, then a virus, oh and then a sinus infection and all within the same two week stretch. To say that the Kirby family has been down and out is an understatement. We have literally been struggling to survive.
But on the upside, in the midst of our stir crazy home life we managed to start a VLOG!! See it here! That was definitely the "highlight" of our last two weeks. And I finally managed to sneak out of the house to get some much needed grown up time and I swear Target has never felt so good.
But if I'm being honest, part of that hell that I was talking about came from trying to manage my own feelings of frustration, bitterness, self-doubt and weakness. After a couple days of diligent prayer for our family to get healthy and seeing absolutely no results (actually quite the opposite), I started doubting our Heavenly Father. I was literally becoming angry with Him.
Why was this happening to us? Why was this happening now? How am I supposed to deal with this and still function as a mother and a caretaker, all the while being sick myself???
If you're a mother of multiples or even one, you know how hard it is to take care of a sick child and then getting sick yourself on top of that....makes life nearly impossible!
But for real, I was at the end of my rope. I remember sitting at the kitchen island, crying as I watched everything crumble around me. I had absolutely no hope, no motivation, and no idea how I was going to make it through the rest of the day. I quickly scrolled through my Instagram feed and stumbled across one of my favorite song writers/authors, Christa Black. It was a video she had made, so I clicked the feed for sound and what I heard next had me on my knees.
As she sat in her car, she said...
See full post HERE!
As I listened to that message, I immediately began to feel my heart shift from sadness, self-pity, anger, and frustration, to that of joy, gratitude, thankfulness, and relief. I went over to my Ipod and began to blast worship music throughout my kitchen. Immediately, Rozalyn went from crying on the floor to dancing; Justus went from screaming to sitting contently in his high chair, and Eliza...well she was sleeping, but she stayed asleep. :)
And as I let the worship music flood the house, I stretched out my hands to receive all that the Father had for me. I began proclaiming, out loud, my heart; my frustrations, my doubts, my worries, my anger; and there I laid it at His feet. Admitting my defeat and surrendering wholeheartedly my control in this situation, I began to feel my perspective shifting.
Nothing crazy happened, nothing extrodinary came to pass. Our day continued and struggles still arose. But what I noticed, throughout the entire day was that when I felt the anxiety come and the anger arise, I left it at the feet of Jesus. I gave it up, knowing that there was nothing I could do with it on my own. And the beautiful thing about allowing the Father to change our perspective is that He has abundant blessings awaiting our obedience.
That week continued to be one of the most challenging weeks I have faced in this motherhood journey, but having the mind to be able to tilt my perspective when those challenges arose, gave me great peace. My hope for all of you mama's (and papa's) out there, is that when life gives you hell, you too, can learn to give it to Jesus. You can't expect perfection in motherhood (as I often do) but you can expect perfect Love.
What is something that has helped you during a challenging time of your motherhood journey? I would love to hear from you!
And as always, thank you for stopping by!
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