I wrote this post a few weeks back and since writing it have had some MAJOR breakthrough with my anxiety, which I am planning to share here very soon! Stay Tuned!
I mentioned this topic for the first time a while back (see full post HERE) but I wanted to talk about it a little deeper because this week I was challenged by one of my best friends to know more about what my anxiety looks like, when did I first realize I had anxiety and if I believed it was getting better or worse since truly acknowledging its existence in my life. I talk about this because I believe in sharing every aspect of my life and because, if anyone else is experiencing anxiety in this way or any other...I want them to know they are not alone.
1. WHAT DOES MY ANXIETY LOOK LIKE?
I know anxiety can make its appearance in many forms but for me it shows up as a kind of muddled fog in my head; I can't think straight and my thoughts seems to be running in a million different directions making it seemingly IMPOSSIBLE to focus on any ONE given task.
Which makes motherhood/parenting extremely difficult.
And when the "muddled-ness" gets the best of me, I explode for no better reason than to just explode because I am so overwhelmed by the confusion that is my life that I can't fully understand what it is that is happening; so communication becomes...well, let's just say their isn't any. This lack of understanding causes strain in my relationships, in my parenting, and in my ability to stay on top of given responsibilities.
2. When did I first realize I had anxiety?
This was a GREAT question for me to ponder because to be honest I really didn't realize it until this past year. Now as I look back at my life I can so easily see anxiety take a huge toll on how I acted, reacted, and lived my life. I think that for a long time I was in denial about it actually being "anxiety." I've known many people in my life to suffer from severe anxiety and so I just kept relating it to that; thinking to myself...Oh you don't have anxiety because it doesn't look like so and so's. I think once I admitted it to myself was when I started becoming more ok with what anxiety is and ways to work through it.
3. Has my anxiety gotten worse or better?
My friend asked me if since I'd acknowledged my anxiety if I thought it was getting better or worse and I thought that was an extremely helpful question because I think it's easy when you admit something to yourself and then to others to use that "issue" or "flaw" as a crutch; "oh well, I freaked out because my anxiety was so high...I can't go because my anxiety is too high today...etc" etc. When in fact admitting your flaw should allow you the opportunity to consciously work through your issue and to allow others to be there for you in the midst of it as well.
For me, I think I've experienced both of those emotions mentioned above and it's guided me through how to best work out my feelings.
So to answer that question, I'd have to say my anxiety has gotten worse but at the same time it's gotten better. I don't think I'm experiencing anxiety anymore than I used to but now I'm just more aware of it when it does arise, so in that sense it's gotten "worse" but in the same breath I've now been able to address it when it does come up and in return gain a better understanding of how to work through it.
All in all, I think these are amazing questions to ponder and think about if you are like me and experience anxiety. If you have any other questions you'd like to ask when it comes to this topic please comment below or email me privately and I would be more than happy to talk more in depth.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus". - Philippians 4: 6-7
As always, thank you for reading! I hope you join me next time and subscribe to stay up to date!