Have you ever been in one of those seasons where you just have no idea what you're doing? Like you're sitting around, with the full expectation that something great is about to happen but you have no idea what it is? And while you wait, you have no idea how to prepare or know what you're even supposed to look for?
This is me...right now.
I am a person that is so driven by my desires and so motivated by my dreams that at times I don't take a moment to breath, let alone rest. But right now I feel like I am in this season of wandering; unsure of what exactly I'm looking for but feeling a shift in the wind as I walk, knowing change is on the way.
What The Funk?
God has been working on me, I can feel it. The last year I have felt incredibly dry in my spiritual growth. I hardened my heart in a lot of ways and fell away from understanding my own calling. But in my isolation I began to realize just how thirsty I was and so I made the decision to take a drink and propel myself deeper into His word and wisdom. I found myself alone with the early morning sun, getting lost in scripture and song. I found hope, and strength in feeding my soul the very thing it lacked for so long.
And as I sunk into this place of rest and meditation I realized how deeply I have misunderstood His character. And in that confusion I began to chase after all these earthly "shadows" that left me greatly unsatisfied and exhausted. I was working so hard to "keep up appearances" that I forgot what I was called to do.
Did you know that usually the thing in life that scares us and challenges us the most is the thing that God has called us into? Why would that be? You’d think that the very thing that you were made for would be easy! At least you’d hope it would be!
But here’s the thing…we live in a world that not only hosts the limitless power of the Almighty God but that of the enemy as well. And what is the enemy’s number one job? To “kill, steal, and destroy” right? (John 10:10). And what do you think his desire is when he see’s you stepping into the very thing that you were created for? The very thing that will glorify the King of Kings?
That’s right…he wants to TEAR. YOU. DOWN.
That “tear down” may look like anxiety attacks, fear, doubt, sickness, etc.
Basically he wants to hinder you in whatever way that he can to keep you from realizing your destiny and to even have the courage to go after it.
And so here I am…in this funk of discerning between “my calling;” what He created me for and my purpose AND “my cravings;” what my flesh desires and longs for. And so far I’ve discovered that I’m an insanely selfish person. I strive daily for the affirmations of others, I relish in materialistic gratification, and I crave a future that looks “safe” and “well-off.” Lets just say the Father is in the process of refining the very core of me and it’s not entirely satisfying, however, I know His plan is better than mine His way is better than mine. I choose to trust even when I cannot see.
However challenging and stretching this season is, I know He is moving and I know even in my weakness He is strong. So if you’re like me and feel like you are in this funk of a season, hold on, and look for ways the Father is wanting to refine you. Chances are, there is a change about to happen if you truly want it.
He desires so wholly for you to strive for nothing but Him and the bi-product of that trust is all the fruits of your hard work. He doesn’t want to punish you, or lead you astray…He wants you to become everything He designed you to be.
As always, thank you so much for stopping by! xoxo, Tessa
*lace top & jewelry are from Prairie Gardens
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