Have you ever had that feeling bubble up inside of you...that feeling that disgusts you, and humiliates you all at once? It happens unexpectedly, slowly even. It changes your mood, your demeanor, and your hearts posture. But how can you be feeling this? It's wrong, it's selfish, so why can't I seem to shake the bitterness growing inside of me?
So what am I talking about? Where does this feeling come from that I'm referring to? I'm sure many of you have experienced this same exact feeling under the same exact circumstances but you've never wanted to talk about it for fear of looking like a selfish...you know what.
You're waiting in your favorite coffee shop (it's you're one time away from the kids in weeks) and you're meeting up with your best friend for the first time in what seems like forever. You can't wait to gab it up with your best gal pal and the excitement has you beaming. You see your best friend walk through the door also "beaming" from ear to ear and you can immediately tell there is something about to roll off the tip of her tongue.
As you embrace and exchange greatly awaited sentiments about the length of time that has passed between you, you continue to wonder what it is she wants to tell you. You begin your usual banter but notice her sheepishly grinning from time to time for no apparent reason. Finally, the casual chatter dies down and a moment of silence makes it self known when all the sudden she blurts out..."We bought a house!"
Completely unprepared you exclaim something in regards to how excited you are for her and how you had no idea they were even looking. You're genuinely excited for her and their new real estate investment but then something hits you. Something deep down in an unknown place something begins to grow...that feeling.
All the sudden your excitement and joy for her turns to envy, bitterness, and defeat. Well I wanted to buy a house. You think to yourself. I wanted it more than she did. She knew how badly we wanted to buy. How could she rub it in my face like this!?
And before you know it your consumed by these thoughts of rage and jealousy...paralyzed by them even. You know you should be happy for her and encourage her in this time of her life but your pride stops you in your tracks and you half heartily continue on with the conversation. When you pack up to leave, you feel sickened to the core; first because you can't believe you feel these things and second because you're truly envious of your best friend.
You go on with your day trying to shake this wretched feeling but something inside grips you and you can't seem to let it go. You want to be happy for your best friend, you want to sing nothing but the highest praises to her but something keeps stopping you. WHY?
Have you ever felt this? Obviously everyone's situation will look different but nonetheless the feelings will look the same. So why is it that we feel this way? Why is it that even when we feel like we have everything we need or want something always gets in the way to jeopardize that feeling of satisfaction. It could be something you'd never even thought about before, but all the sudden because it's happening to another person you WANT it too.
Have you ever dealt with these feelings before? If so, how have you dealt with them? What are some ways that we women AND men can better encourage and build one another up even when we are feeling this way. Is it something that needs to be addressed right when we start having those feelings or is it something we are supposed to just "brush off?" I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. And remember this is a safe place so please no mean or offensive comments :)