I'm Emotional...And I'm Ok With That.

Throughout the last couple of months I have had the privilege of sharing some of my most valued experiences and lessons with you all. I’ve also had the opportunity of opening up with some of my most vulnerable life experiences, both of which I am extremely thankful for. The support I have received from so many of you is the reason I continue to write and share my journey. So I could not be more grateful for all the kind words of encouragement.

My most recent posts have dealt with my exciting new business ventures and I’ve shared how I got started with my own business Just-US Creations and shortly after that I opened up about my inspirational letter from Fixer Upper host, Joanna Gaines. And since then I have seen dramatic growth in my business and in my life spiritually. I have made more connections and have been able to get plugged in with my community in ways I never knew I could. All of this happened so fast and with it came so much excitement and gratification.

What I haven’t shared with you all are all the moments in between. You know…the moment when the dust settles and all the excitement dies down and it’s actually time to get down to business. REAL business. The kind of business where all the sudden you realize you have the responsibility of turning something that never existed into something that suddenly EXISTS. Ya that kind of business. “This” kind of business goes from exciting to overwhelming real quick and you’re left trying to find all that “glitter” you knew your dream once had.

You see, the thing about dreaming is although it may be exciting and thrilling at first, there comes a period in time when the “shine” is gone and you’re left spending your time polishing. In my own experience, as I pursue my dream to not only refine my craft as a typographer, furniture connoisseur, and interior designer, I often find myself struggling to find the motivation to press on. But why? I know in my heart that what I’m doing is what I was created to do and I know that in my heart my dream is still real, but that’s where it gets sticky…the heart.

The heart longs for so many different things: love, acceptance, relationships, money, simplicity, fame, etc, but the heart also functions out of the emotions that you feel. So when you long for something so deeply but your heart is emotionally unstable because of an all-together separate experience, you become at odds with yourself. You’re no longer motivated by your dreams, you’re motivated by your emotions. Now hopefully you’re not as lost as I am as I try to put words to what I’m feeling but just stick with me!

For me, as I’ve questioned my lack of motivation to live out the dreams and desires that I have in my heart, I’ve found that when your heart is driven by your emotions it can often affect your motivation. A friend of mine reminded me of this when I confided in her about my own business-woes. She asked me, “How’s your heart?” I was at first thrown off by this question and didn’t quite know how to respond. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Like how’s your heart? Emotionally.” She said. It was in that moment that I began to think…to really think. How IS my heart? Honestly, it was a bit hard to specifically pinpoint the true feelings of my heart but as I sought deeper and deeper, and as I let down the walls of my heart…there it was.

Tucked away in the tender place of my heart lied a significant wound that I knew needed a little bit more healing. A piece of me that had recently experienced a very emotional event in which led my emotions to control my motivation. You see, I recently engaged in some very intentional and emotional confrontation with my dad, and it left my heart extremely exhausted.

It’s funny, as you transition into marriage, your parents become equals in a sense, but then you transition into motherhood, and your parents become grandparents. And somewhere in between those transitions there’s a shift in your relationship and it becomes hard to let go of your parents as parents and begin to see them as equals; ones that can give advice without repercussion, and drink wine with because that’s what friends do. So…there we were in this fuzzy, weird transition and it took a lot for me to respectfully speak to my father and tell him my heart and my hurt. But when I finally did, it was so good.

The freedom I felt to own my feelings was not only liberating but extremely emotional. We were able to mend years worth of hurt and understand each other in a way that I never knew we could. I didn’t truly understand the affect those emotions had on my motivation, until I confronted them. And to be honest, my heart is still undergoing healing and I’m ok with that. To realize that my motivation was being put on hold because a piece of my heart was being ignored gave me a new perspective on how important dealing with your emotions can be. My friend said, “I think God is refining you so that you can feel more inspired than you ever have before! It’s hard to believe, but it’s actually a really great thing when life’s hurts come up because God is doing something and preparing you for a new step in life.”

I think that’s true for all of us. And I know confrontation can be difficult and messy but it can also be so good and so freeing. Your heart is your home, treat it well and you will be surprised by the outcome. I wish to encourage each and everyone of you, if you feel like you are losing speed or your motivation is low, take a step back and check your heart. Your heart is valid! Never stop seeking to mend the broken places in your heart, once you do your passion and your dreams will be ten times greater!