This week I ventured to my favorite spot to take a "load off" and find some much needed home decor. Ok, maybe it wasn't needed but it sure was WANTED. I've been looking for some Rae Dunn Clay mugs for sometime now at our local TJ Maxx but they never seem to have them in stock! So I have been particularly envious of all you home bloggers strolling around instagram with your cute Rae Dunn Clay!
UNTIL....Thursday when I just so happened to be in TJ's and I just happened to be looking around the coffee mug section when something in the back of the "line-up" caught my attention. Could it be? A Rae Dunn mug????
Very sleek like, I reached my hand to the back of the "very organized" selection of glassware and pulled out my coffee mug gem! HORRAY!!! I got the last one!
Aren't these things just the cutest!? I mean come on? You can't beat it!
As I made my way to the checkout line I was beaming from ear-to-ear as I thought about my victory, until I turned the corner to enter the "lane of checkout torture" (because you want to buy EVERYTHING and you know you don't even need it...including the gummy worms that look so cute in those decorative baggies) and there they were! A whole BUNCH of Rae Dunn mugs just waiting to be bought!
So what did I do? Well...picked up 3 more of course! I mean you can't have an uneven amount of coffee mugs and two just isn't enough so you have to go with a minimum of 4 right?
I cannot tell you how excited these mugs made me. I couldn't stop thinking about all the cute pictures I would take with them and how they were going to look so perfect by my coffee bar and all the adventures we were going to go on together..........until I heard it. You know, that noise that you NEVER want to hear because you know that when you do, you may just lose it?
So there I was, cutting up some veggies for dinner...not even 4 hours after bringing my precious pottery finds home (they were even still wrapped in the paper that they put them in at the store), when I heard the crashing and breaking of glass (well in this case...clay). My stomach immediately dropped as I looked up at "silent but violent" culprit; he may be cute and irresistible but he sure knows how to get himself into trouble these days.
I don't even know what came over me. It was like I encountered a lion and a screeching seagull all at once and took on some other life-form and let me just tell you, it was NOT pretty!
As I unwrapped the broken pieces of my soul (ok...mug...but it felt like my soul), anger just rose up inside of me and there was nothing I could do to contain it. I lost it. I seriously lost it over a couple broken mugs. But for some reason it felt like my whole world was ending (am I the only one that has ever felt like this? I pray not).
Like an 11 year old, I ran to my room and shut the door. I knew that at this moment, this was probably the safest place for me to be my self...my CRAZY self. I cried. Cursed. I cried some more and cursed some more. But most of all I just felt out of control; more out of control than I knew what to do with and that made me even more out of control. I wept for things I didn't even know I needed to weep for and in that moment I realized this wasn't even about the stupid mugs. I was in-denial. Deep, DEEP denial.
My life is about to change and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I'm not ready to face having another newborn and raising a crazy one-year old that breaks things ALL the time; I'm not ready to give up my life (AGAIN) and start all over again with a NEW routine; I'm not ready for sleepless nights and endless sessions of breastfeeding; I'm not ready for my flubby tummy to tell me it's time to work out again; I'm just NOT ready. For goodness sakes, I don't know if I'll EVER be ready. But that's a blog post for a different day, until then I will drink my coffee in my two UNbroken mugs and pray to God that I can feel more prepared for the birth of this baby (insert "praying hands" emoji).
Do any other momma's of multiples feel this way!? I just need some reassurance right about now...CLEARLY! And if you haven't already caught on...you need to go get yourself some Rae Dunn mugs but make sure you don't take them all because remember I still need to replace those two broken ones :) Thanks a bunch!
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